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September 21, 10:17 p.m.

Somehow in the midst of declarations of "infinite justice" and antiwar rallies I've unearthed my motive, sandwiched between deadlines and paperwork, pinball and motorcycle boots. Somehow I've found a perfect balance between the five hours blowing quarters at the arcade and the five hours studying at the library and the five hours watching 1970s films, exploring neighborhoods, petting stray cats or commiserating with friends about the politics of hair in a time of war.

And just in time I discovered the following seven-inches in the record store bargain bin: The Eurythmics and Aretha Franklin's "Sisters Are Doing It For Themselves" and Pat Benetar's "Invincible."

September 20, 2001, 8:59 a.m.

Persons who are otherwise perfectly aware of the non-transparency of "feelings" are insisting that this particular event demands some sort of transcendent pre- or post-political reaction, which is odd since there is certainly nothing pre- or post-political about the anti-Arab/anti-Muslim violence or the Bush adminstration's moves toward war. Or is it because the Right is mobilizing around the issue politically (and effectively), the Left is just meant to bask in the purity of our mourning--? Will this win over the patriots?

The national discourse regarding this tragic event in particular has produced a certain set of organizing images and importantly a certain kind of ideal citizen . This ideal citizen -a fantasy in her own right-- is defined by her passive participation in an imagined democracy. That is, she willingly forfeits her "right" to participate as a critical citizen in a working democracy for a sentimental image of community and unity.  

A young Asian American woman on a list-serv stated that, "Even though I am a devout Democrat, I believe that what the nation needs now is unity in hunting down the killers, and not dissent. I am an American." The statement "I am an American" is both affirmation of her identification with the nation but also an implicit line in the sand, a move toward exclusion. Clearly those who do not wish to affirm their American-ness in the same manner are therefore un-American; it is a "love it or leave it" proposal which leaves little room to critically participate in the democratic process because somehow, the democratic process is now understood as itself un-American .

Interestingly and pointedly, another woman on the list asked, "Do you think that if this attack came from China or Japan, that you would be allowed to claim America in the same way?"