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January 29, 2001, 10:45 p.m. || please kill me

I've got the worst headache, and it's Kate Bornstein's fault. Well, hers and Caitlin Sullivan. I just slogged through their novel Nearly Roadkill: An Erotic Infobahn Adventure and I feel sure that it's done some kind of damage to my synapses. I realize the novel was written in 1995, but was it necessary to write the whole goddamn thing as a series of e-mails, chat sessions, and "private messenger" logs? In multiple fonts?

I'm reading the novel for evidence. That is, (white) feminist and queer theorists have especially hailed cybernetic space as a liberatory space - disrupting the social determinism of the body (sex) from the identifications of the self (gender), allowing for sex play/gender fuck transcending the unidirectional implication of "sexual orientation." In these accounts drag is always subversive, but optimistically (or forgetfully) race-less - foregoing the vexing dilemma of blackface, or yellowface, or "playing Indian," forms of racial "passing" or drag that have in recent U.S. history implicated Jim Crow, imperialism, and genocide in their performance. Nearly Roadkill is hardly an exception, as "passing" --and in terms of racial being, a supposedly neutral and abstract "whiteness"-- is uncritically valorized. In one of the few passages that even mentions race, a main character argues that "one of the cool things for black folks on-line is that they are assumed to be white, too." Argh. Don't get me started. (For now.)

So (and this is for my second position paper) I'm trying to work out how theories of drag are formulated for an ahistorical white subject -- that while race and gender are both social constructs inscribed on the body, they are not equivalent (and yet not discrete) processes. (I would also want to reiterate Judith Butler's distinction between performativity and performance/parody.) It's too much, I know.

And by the way, are the sex sessions in the novel ever boring--all played out via chat room sessions. So you're an Anne Rice fan/self-mutilating cannibal in one scenario and a skateboarding forest imp (or whatever) in the next. Yawn. Not much erotic.

The last week has been packed with:

-- a women's studies job talk by Jacqueline Berman called "(Un)popular Strangers: The European Political Community, Discourses of Sex-Trafficking, and the Panicked State of the Modern Nation,"

-- The Vagina Monologues with several of my students (free tickets courtesy of Iraya/Aloofah) in San Francisco,

-- another job talk by Ara Wilson called, "The Go-Go Bar and Economies of Intimacy in Thailand,"

-- an afternoon spent with my eBay purchase of The Legend of Billie Jean, fast-forwarding to all the parts that make me cry,

-- and seeing Save the Last Dance, Billy Elliot, and the absolutely terrible Shadow of the Vampire. No more German expressionists with their willingness to sacrifice ethics for art, please.